A Naked Creep.

How do people do this?  Do they post regularly? Every Tuesday night?  Twice a week?  I don't think I can do that.  Too many of my days are not worth talking about...at least nothing worth sharing with strangers. There are just moments when I suddenly feel like writing.  So, if you look around and I'm not there, don't freak or think I quit.  I just don't feel like writing.  That doesn't mean I don't like it.  It just means my posts will be worth reading.  Who wants wasted time?

As I write this, I am listening to my iTunes and Creep by Radiohead just happens to be playing.  Well, the Jena Irene version.  I can't listen to this without tearing up.  My two kids are sworn to play this at my memorial service.  It's so me and I wish I had written it.  I just want to be worth something.  Isn't that the whole point?  Can't remember one time when I felt like I was "on the right track."  Fucking 48 years old and still trying to figure it out.  Talk about wasted time.

Anyhow, here is what's new.  Back in November I decided I was going to turn my newly found shopping obsession into a business.  I found a company called Agnes & Dora. Comfy, cute and well made clothes for all body shapes.  It's all I wear lately. So I got onboard this past week and my 300 + piece inventory will be here next week.  In three days to be exact.  Over the past few months I have been putting an office together in my home.  New desk, postage scale, clothes steamer, photography corner with a dress form...I am set.  Setting up my social media has been a bitch.  I still have to get my Instagram going.  All I need is the product.  LOL!

Yeah, I'm excited but also scared.  Doing a home business is like the most naked thing you can do.  What I mean by that is this.  It doesn't do anything if you don't.  That's why so many of them fail.  No one likes to look at themselves and see what they are really made of.  Can you set office hours when no one is breathing down your neck?  Or when a good tv show is on and the sofa is calling your ass? No one to answer to but yourself.  Then you find out how creative you can be...creative with the excuses.  But geez, this is literally thousands of dollars invested and I haven't even launched yet.  There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this. I can be REALLY good at this.  The question is, Can I be structured and disciplined?  I don't have a great track record. Yet.  I can do this.  I love the clothes,  I like gabbing about the clothes, I like packaging the clothes.  Yeah, I can do this. I can sell these pretties while I sit barefoot in front of the computer.

I posted a video of myself on my Facebook business page telling WHY I am doing this.  I was just surprised that I did it without crying.  It's naked.

An Introduction of Sorts

Allow me to introduce myself!  I am....well, actually that's exactly why I'm here.  To figure out the rest of that sentence.  I can tell you who I USED to be so how about we start there?

I used to be a stay-at-home mom and wife with five sons.  Yes, five. Two are biologically mine, the other three belong to my husband from his first marriage.  He had full custody and their mother did not exercise her visitation so we always had at least three boys in the house at any given time.  This is my second (and last!) marriage so it was instant family, no honeymoon, just sliding into home base. I have worked in the past as office manager to an optometric practice and also as part of the management team at an Old Navy. Both jobs allowed me interaction with tons of people of all ages and I enjoyed it all. I chose to stay home because logistically it just made more sense.

Fast forward 11 years and I am still happily married to Chad and four of the boys are out of the house. The 24 year old lives with his 21 year old brother and brother's girlfriend, the 22 year old lives an hour away with his girlfriend as they attend university and are about to move to Louisiana for grad school.  The 19 year old is still at home but working and paying rent as he figures out his next move (GET OUT!) and the 18 year old is out and working. My husband has been in his trade for over 20 years and he decided to leave his 9-5 and start his own flooring installation/materials company.  It's been 2 years and he has grown by leaps and bounds to a multi-million dollar company.  He speaks locally and in Minnesota a few times a year to children in juvenile justice homes/programs. Recently he has been approached to speak to university entrepreneurs and to possibly travel speaking across the country to those interested in honing their business skills. It's a lot to keep up with...all while trying to furnish the new house we just purchased and moved into this past November, deal with the adult drama of our children, take care of our parents and find time for each other.

Where does that leave me?  Again, that brings me back to my question.  Who am I?  For years we define ourselves by our families and our children.  I didn't even think that was true until one evening not too long ago.  I was in Minnesota with my husband.  He was to speak to a group of teens that week and we were meeting and dining with the board of directors the night before.  They were so thrilled to hear my husband's story and to encourage his efforts. I couldn't be more proud of him.  Then it happened.  One of the gentlemen we were speaking with turns to me and says, "Rachel, what is it that you do???"  Pretty standard getting-to-know-ya question.  It was like everything suddenly came to a screeching halt.  The sound of the clinking glasses and utensils was replaced my silence.  I stood there for what seemed an eternity with my mouth slightly opened as I took in that small breath to begin my reply, all the while hoping that something...GOD PLEASE, ANYTHING would come to mind.  What do I do???  Yes!  What? I do what I have always done.  I cook, clean, follow his lead.  I , I, I... I wanted the lights to go out. I wanted someone to interrupt our conversation.  I wanted Godzilla to destroy the building.  I didn't know how to answer.  So, I said, "I support my husband's efforts and I'm here for him."  That sentence didn't even make sense.  Geez.  The person who asked the question gave an awkward smile and said, "Well that's great."  And then they turned to speak to someone else.

Let's try this again.  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Rachel Tafs.  I'm a 48 year old wife and mother, daughter, sister and friend.  Not always in that order and not always with the friend part. I love being alone but I long for friends.  I have tons to say but no one to say them to.  I want to be active but I am so lazy to get started.  I want something that is all mine.  I want something that will knock the socks off of someone when they ask me, " sooooo...what is it that you do?"  I want to shock the shit out of people when I say, "I own my own business and..." So, yes.  That is what this blog is about.

Watch me as I learn to fly.